Speaking of Ben being close to people, he tells us he’s been in love four times. That’s a good amount, I like that. At least he wasn’t like “never,” or “once,” or “if only you understood French I could explain the dozens of loves I’ve possessed in my life, but English is not the language for this discussion.” Nope, he just straight-up says “Four.” Cool.
Also cool: Ben sent a girl home before the rose ceremony on some “I’m just not feeling this” shit. Big ups, Ben! This is what I’m talking about. What I’m not talking about is you being so easily manipulated by babytalking that you’d give someone a rose — particularly someone who unironically says “winning” after they manipulate you into giving them a rose. In other words, I don’t like you, Ben, when you like Courtney. Courtney is my sore spot, for sure. I feel like the things you like about everyone else make sense, even if they are boring things like “she’s beautiful” or whatever.
Clay Walker!? Who the FUCK is Clay Walker, Ben, and why is he playing a concert for us and how do you know the words to his songs? Ben, will you accept this rose? Back from me? I don’t want this rose anymore.
I like your suit and tie at this rose ceremony, I guess. I DO NOT like how we’re going to Puerto Rico next week. It’s starting to feel like you’re running from something, Ben. What is it? The Law? I kind of hope it’s The Law.
From Jane Marie’s brilliant Hairpin Bachelor reviews: Learning to Love Ben
So I may have given you the impression that I spend all of my time reading tragic books in a semi-dirty bathtub, organizing my candy collection and taking pictures of things I cook / climb on / find in our front yard. Not true, friends, not true. For instance, on some Monday nights, we now waste two hours love/hate watching The Bachelor. Giggling and and mocking and lamenting in ironic-but-sort-of-real captivation. It’s like a very sad, very fun, low brow anti-feminist MST3K. It also reminds me of how I can’t watch America’s Funniest Home Videos because I audibly gasp and verbally interact (OH NO! BE CAREFUL! THAT’S NOT LOAD BEARING - OOFFFF!) like a hillbilly or a well manipulated live studio audience.
So that’s the confession. For the first time ever, we’re watching The Bachelor. And enjoying it? I don’t know. Everything feels really confusing at this point in our lives. I thought I loved you Emily, but you were sort of not cool last night (even though Courtney IS the Devil). I do know that if I did a set of low lunges every time Ben said “This is someone I could see spending the rest of my life with” or a girl says “It’s been a really long time since I’ve felt this way about anyone,” I’d have the kind of ass you could sit a tea cup on, which is a life long dream.
Please, send help.
(via beenthinking)
Ugh! Ben is the worst! I know you probably haven’t been watching the Bachelor because you’re a moderately high-functioning adult or whatever, but the bachelor of the Bachelor this season is just such a bore! Also, when all you can say about a girl is “Yeah, she’s beautiful” over and over again, you’re not into her! Also, every single date is just a test for each girl. Like, let’s see how you do climbing the golden gate bridge, lets see how you do fly fishing (fly fishing?!) blah blah. It’s almost as if he’s so boring that in order to avoid conversation they (“they,” the Illuminati, Templars, or ABC’s producers. You pick) make them do unfamiliar activities. Also, if you notice he’s giving roses to the girls who most easily make out with him. (Note to all the ladies out there: if he can get the milk for free, he will most likely get milk from ALL THE COWS ON THE SHOW)
I’m really rooting for Kacie B. to go insanely possessive one night and cut off Courtenay’s head, holding it up and screaming “All the roses are mine, Ben!” And then the dental hygienist wins, because of course there’s a dental hygienist.
posted 1 week ago
