It sounds like a reaction to one thing, but it's actually a reaction to the response to that thing
Good news! Actually, “good” isn’t accurate. Miraculous news! My luggage, the luggage I was forced to check which contained all my equipment and, more importantly, all my footage, the luggage that was lost somewhere in South Africa, has been returned to me.
More than that, not a thing is broken. Not one thing. The fact that an unmarked bag on another freaking continent was still able to make it back to me with nothing missing or damaged is not so much “good news” as the intercession of a higher being in an act beyond the power of the physical world. So yeah. Miraculous news.
Back in LA, adjusting back to the hustle and bustle. Gotten a few hits on my offer to buy drinks for cool people. Trying to deal with being dumped (sort of?) and not really being too upset due to a newfound appreciation of everything else in my life (see above). And then there’s this bizarre dance I’m dancing with myself to ensure that I’m don’t send some ridiculous message by way of gchat or facebook status, and then on top of that the questioning of my almost statuses to make sure that I’m not NOT sending some sort of message, which is hilarious in its (I mean my) stupidity.
What really bothers me, more than wanting to date someone who isn’t up for dating me (not particularly unique, in the grand scheme) are the consoling remarks about how I will meet someone great or some shit (we can all fill this in as we’ve all heard it). And the reason it pisses me off is the insistence that to have a happy and fulfilling life we have to be in a relationship of some kind, with marriage and babies and whatever.
And let’s face it, relationships are nice. There’s no other godly reason why anyone would bother if we all didn’t crave a companion. But no one person can make you happy all the time, or fulfill you all the time, which is why we have friends or bother to read blogs about people we’ve never met. So fuck that. You is you is you. There is the person to be happy you’re with, to be fulfilled in.
And this is something I’m still trying to learn (and probably will be trying to learn forever, regardless of my relationship status), and even when I don’t want it to be true and I beg for validation from someone, anyone, it will still be true, and I know that.
I’m pretty fucking awesome. And as long as I keep my ability to love (not eros, but philia or agape) other people in real ways, there’s a way to be fulfilled in that.
posted 12 hours ago
